** UPDATE ** The competition has now closed, we’ve been overwhelmed with a huge number of brilliant entries, and will be announcing the winners soon!
The time has finally come to announce the details of our Valentines poster giveaway! Let’s get it on…
If you’d like the chance to receive a copy of our A2 Valentines print delivered your door anywhere in the world, all you need to do is get in the mood for romance and follow these three simple steps:
Step 1: Complete the following poem as a love message to Mat Dolphin:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
Step 2: Post your completed poem in the comments section below
Step 3: Sit tight and check tomorrow at 12:34:56 GMT to find out if you’ve won!
The authors of our ten favourite poems will receive a free copy of the poster sent directly to their door, anywhere on our lovely planet.
Thanks for reading – we look forward to seeing your poetry!
And remember, anything goes…
Tom and Phil
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Fuck me on the floor,
And I’ll marry you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m a schizophrenic,
And so am I.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
…If I was that way inclined,
I’d fuck you two.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You’re so gorgeous,
I fucking LOVE YOU!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Horses are now in Lasagne,
Not just in glue.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Jamie stole my poem,
So send me a poster too.
Roses are red,
Violates are blue,
Open your mouth,
And in it I’ll f*ck you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have tourettes,
So i’ll FUCK you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know I said I wouldn’t
But I lied
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
The world’s ending.
Take off your clothes
and get in my fuck-bunker.
Roses are red,
Voilets are blue,
Sugar in my tea,
I take two
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This poem blows,
I hope you do too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
I just gave you love,
So I best get love too!
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I fucked your mother,
and now we’ve got you
Roses are blue,
Violets are red…
now get up of the floor
and keep fucking me back in bed
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Rhyming is tough,
Just send me a fucking poster.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The only reason I’d kick Mat Dolphin out of bed,
Is if his breath smelt like poo. xxxx
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I just want Matt Dolphin
to love me too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I”ll fuck you on the floor,
If your sister joins too
Roses are red
Violets are blue
try as I might
this just ain’t a haiku
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Two in the PAN 232 C,
One in the…
roses are red
violets are blue
does flattery work?
cause I fuckin love you!
To my dearest Mat Dolphin
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’l fuck you on the floor,
then against the door,
Until we both roar,
and maybe a little sore,
..Hey thats what’s loves for!?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your a kick-ass designer,
And I am too! ♥
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
if I win the poster,
it’s for my husband, Andrew.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Flowers are really expensive,
So I’ve got you nothing. Sorry.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Blinded by love,
Who’s fucking finger is that?
Roses are red,
Voilets are blue,
I’ll fuck on the floor
And think about you
Roses are red
Face-fucked you blue
I finish on your chest
and whisper ‘you’re the best’
roses are red,
violets are blue,
i’d fuck you on the floor,
but underfloor heating is so expensive
and the tiles are rather chilly
which may not project me in the best light.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you were a Pokemon
I’d choose you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
a 69 for three,
means rug burns for you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Next time I’m in London
I’m coming to see you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
I have a horse called Findus
coming to a lasagne near you
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
specifically #d80e0b
and #0557c2
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
You’re not Oscar Pistorius are you?
Phew
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Have I mentioned,
I fucking want a poster too?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Kicked out of Bed
and told, Fuck you!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
God Made Me Pretty
What Happened To you?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What I thought was vaseline…
turned out to be glue!
Roses are red,
violets aren’t gold,
Get on your knees
and do what you’re told.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m using my hand,
But I’m thinking of you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Calle Luis Velez de Guevara, 20, 1º A
28012 – Madrid
Spain
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ve no chance of winning,
But if I do woohoo!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Give Mat Dolphin a banana
and you’ll be amazed at what they can do
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
As is my bellend,
It should be up you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Send me a poster
Now.
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Vodka costs less,
Than dinner for two.
Here’s to being single for a third Valentines!
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
With a face like that you belong in the zoo.
Don’t worry I’ll be there too.
But not in the cage, laughing at you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Get in the van.
ohohoh… can i submit another?
Roses are red.
Violets are Blue.
Rohypnol costs less
than dinner for two!
too far?!
Roses are red,
Dolphins are blue,
Your poster is filthy
and I want one too
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Let’s melt down some Cheestrings
and make a fondue
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If the merest possibility of the slightest hint of a thought of giving me this valentines card crosses your mind,
Then fuck you.
Bugger, so no HTML allowed in comments. The world will never know how funny that link in my last comment was…
Rosed are red,
Violets are blue,
my Mama told me
to ask for a poster to you.
Please send it
tomorrow at 2:00
my address is…
let me google that for you!
in return you’ll get flowers too
orchids are expensive
will dandelions do?
Roses are Red,
Violets are blue,
I’d love a poster thats a little bit blue!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Hi Mat Dolphin,
nice to meet you.
We’ve never actually met
but today is due
we’ll leave you a clue
for the first step through.
The poster you’ve done
is really wahoo
so please can you
before we go cuckoo
send one of those
with a flower too.
Otherwise,
BOOO!
with all our love,
Square Root of Two
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m off for a bike ride,
How about you?
Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don’t try and surprise
Oscar Pistorius
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But you knew that
Didn’t you
xc
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ve got hayfever,
ATCHOOOOOO!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
hold up, what the fuck
violets are purple.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’ve got a knife
Get in the van
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Evidently they’re violet,
Your view’s clearly askew.
Roses are red,
Violets are too
I like to paint dolphins
Matt Black with some blue
:]
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Get on the floor,
And let me prematurely cum on you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I had a breakthrough!
Please let me
enlighten you
to have this preview:
the two of us
living on an igloo,
enjoying each other,
eating fondue
and sharing shampoo.
Don’t even dare
to argue!
All you need to do
is OWL
but before that
send the poster through
that’s all I ask of you.
Then we can finally
wohoo wohoo.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
There’s no time for romance,
Get in the fucking van!
Roses are gray,
Violets are gray,
I’m a dog
Roses are red
Violets are blue (ish)
If I gave this poster I would be dead
Mat Dolphin knows how to engage
Thru twitter, blogs and thoughts that are sage
I can make my own poster so pish pish
And if she did it, theres no need for another wish
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
I’d love a poster
from you two
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Give me a poster,
And I might reblog you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Just done me
So I can’t do you
Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Red dots and green ones too
deep in the field of you
i roll i ride
im in
im deep
beyond the due and the hue
existing only for you
to server
to love
to be
a sea of you within me
is all there is
to be
a we.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
hold on a minute
who the fuck are you?!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Mat Dolphins in bed
Giving good head.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Screw this,
I’m off for a poo.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Poetry doesn’t have to rhyme
And I think it’s important to reinforce that
With this short verse
Also, most of the other entries aren’t very romantic
Although nor is this one
But at least it’s not derivative
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oscar Pistorius
is always Victorious
Roses are red,
violets are glorious,
don’t ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorious.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Some poems rhyme,
Others don’t.
Roses are red
Bacon is red
I suck at poems
Bacon
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your mum’s very pretty for her age…
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Oh, you spelt reason wrong,
Made ya look too!
If you print A3
as well as A2
We’re just round the corner
waiting for you…..
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
easy peasy,
lemon squeezy.
NO!
Difficult difficult,
lemon,
difficult.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I found the rag,
Does it smell like chloroform to you?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you don’t give me that poster,
I’ll come and steal it from you.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Valentines bouquets from the Esso garage
cost £1.92
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m glad we’ve just Mat,
Dolphin – me and you.
This print looks rad,
and like the others too,
i want it really bad,
you just have no clue,
near my bed,
and in it – i wish me you.
Happy Valentines-Day<3
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whether you like it or not
This is for you.
Married son you will be
Happy days await you many
My love for you is always plenty
Happy love Happy life
Happy days
For ever darling
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It’s talent that counts,
not awards. And that’s true.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ah just bought a horse
Ah thought was a coo
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You get the meteor
I sent you?
Roses are red
Violets are blue
My heart’s the paper
Yours is the glue
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Now get on the floor
Let me put my horsemeat in you!
x
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Give me that poster,
Or I will look for you,
I will find you,
and I will kill you
Roses are blue,
Violets are red,
I’ll fuck you on the floor,
once you’ve been kicked out of my bed.
Roses are blue,
Violets are red,
They’re great if you’ve already got a girl,
If not, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bha-Pay8pkw
ROSES ARE NAFF
VIOLETS ARE NAFFER
I WANT YOU OILED
AND TAPED UP WITH GAFFER
Roses are red,
Violets are blue…
Take your clothes off.
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I bet you thought this was going to rhyme…but it doesn’t.
Awesome poster though! It would happily take pride and place on my wall.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My heart has bled,
Longing for you.
Calligraphy writer.
Glorious red hue.
Give me this poster,
And I will forever love you.
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Love doesn’t come cheap,
If you require a Durex or two.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
FFS swallow it, it’s good for you.